I promise so much of myself that it makes it hard to breathe, I feel the weight of what I say because it's never what I mean.

new painting. not ready yet.

now

the hardest part is
to pretend that i dont care
pretend that i'm okay.

oh please

please let me sleep
cause there's another wave
right in front of me
and this time
i'll drown.

so take off your sweater your shoes and your shirt and get to work.

oh my god what have i done?
now my darling put your clothes back on.

dianalove.

caught up in the middle.

somewhere between
loving you and trying to move on.

somewhere between
moving and staying.

somewhere between
how i used to be like and
how you used to like me to be and
how i am now.

somewhere between
metalscreams and sad slow guitar songs.

somewhere between
party-alcohol-cigarettes and
long-walks-coffee-good-talks.

somewhere between
what i think i like and
what i think i should like.

somewhere between
what feels right and
what i think should feel right.


somewhere
where i'm searching for love and someone to care
but only get offered sex.

somewhere
where you don't care anymore about
who i am
or
what i do
or
who i'm with.


you know i hate it here in the middle.
you know i dont belong to neither one of the sides.
you know i'm waiting for you to
save me.


but


"i need more time he says,
because time makes feelings fade."

always love.